I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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