dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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