then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
