Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
