Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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