Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
