i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
