Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
