3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
one might say we're banned from that church
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
