Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?

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  (301): Is it necrophilia if we're both dead? http://tfl.nu/6pje
  Replies (6) Good night (790) Bad night (1105)
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  (760): View more from California

  Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.

  (912): View more from Georgia

  What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?

  (760): View more from California

  I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.

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  (760): Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool. (912): What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar? (760): I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out. http://tfl.nu/o1sk
  Replies (26) Good night (4713) Bad night (823)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.

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  (214): I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me. http://tfl.nu/aut7
  Replies (15) Good night (992) Bad night (3385)
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  (818): View more from California

  His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.

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  (818): His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face. http://tfl.nu/bthr
  Replies (42) Good night (3863) Bad night (9195)
• Favorite

  (424): View more from California

  I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.

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  (424): I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing. http://tfl.nu/4boy
  Replies (11) Good night (5728) Bad night (1263)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.

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  (270): The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned. http://tfl.nu/9j2r
  Replies (30) Good night (5472) Bad night (3653)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony

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  (804): Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony http://tfl.nu/wi0z
  Replies (13) Good night (2869) Bad night (1247)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston

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  (407): Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston http://tfl.nu/rb3u
  Replies (5) Good night (2100) Bad night (907)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.

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  (202): Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out. http://tfl.nu/88jd
  Replies (10) Good night (1992) Bad night (567)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.

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  (614): Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars. http://tfl.nu/nben
  Replies (0) Good night (938) Bad night (366)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?

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  (512): During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados? http://tfl.nu/e60x
  Replies (5) Good night (753) Bad night (344)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.

  (1-724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it

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  (724): My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe. (1-724): I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it http://tfl.nu/uinn
  Replies (5) Good night (799) Bad night (292)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.

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  (503): Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever. http://tfl.nu/9erv
  Replies (7) Good night (872) Bad night (500)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I need a genital shamwow being this wet.

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  (301): I need a genital shamwow being this wet. http://tfl.nu/u5kj
  Replies (2) Good night (783) Bad night (252)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was

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  (727): all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was http://tfl.nu/9gyk
  Replies (1) Good night (720) Bad night (165)

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