Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.

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  (310): Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches. http://tfl.nu/8y2o
  Replies (40) Good night (3236) Bad night (856)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.

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  (520): I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs. http://tfl.nu/cv5b
  Replies (5) Good night (3664) Bad night (897)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.

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  (905): 9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey. http://tfl.nu/esjs
  Replies (17) Good night (852) Bad night (5252)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.

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  (214): Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever. http://tfl.nu/bza6
  Replies (29) Good night (9234) Bad night (1699)
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  (551): View more from New Jersey

  Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva

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  (551): Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva http://tfl.nu/0m5z
  Replies (84) Good night (5486) Bad night (1736)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.

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  (817): look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now. http://tfl.nu/dr20
  Replies (14) Good night (3973) Bad night (1469)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"

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  (703): I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila" http://tfl.nu/s09r
  Replies (11) Good night (4842) Bad night (1156)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time

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  (270): There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time http://tfl.nu/e9de
  Replies (12) Good night (985) Bad night (6077)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.

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  (303): She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it. http://tfl.nu/nwdc
  Replies (6) Good night (2961) Bad night (982)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes

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  (208): the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes http://tfl.nu/a563
  Replies (18) Good night (3548) Bad night (1687)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.

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  (519): Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey. http://tfl.nu/gckq
  Replies (10) Good night (1989) Bad night (1043)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.

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  (917): You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year. http://tfl.nu/e5jh
  Replies (4) Good night (1511) Bad night (639)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.

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  (256): That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants. http://tfl.nu/0w7x
  Replies (5) Good night (713) Bad night (425)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.

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  (865): I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved. http://tfl.nu/vcfc
  Replies (1) Good night (571) Bad night (370)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."

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  (630): The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes." http://tfl.nu/u80c
  Replies (1) Good night (582) Bad night (269)

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