It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I puked a lego.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.