We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
