One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
