When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
