When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
