The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
