considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
