We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
