The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
