someone threw a dead crab at me
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
