drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
operation harelip BJ is a go
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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