Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
