yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
