What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
