Got a toothbrush?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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