I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
