Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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