talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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