made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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