Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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