Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
