i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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