There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
