4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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