So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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