I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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