It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
