Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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