how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I didn't notice because vodka
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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