Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
