no, he came in my armpit
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
