Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
