It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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