If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
