who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
