My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
