I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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