not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
cat food counts as protein by the way
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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