Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
