I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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