You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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