Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
3 2 1 whiskey
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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