sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
