Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
