and i looked up. we had an audience...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
