If that was your dad, he is hot
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
