how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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