He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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