Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
