It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
