so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
