she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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