she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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