and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
