I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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