ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
