My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
