I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
