The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
