I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
