I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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