hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
