U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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