If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
