walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Is it penis luge time yet?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
