Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
