Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
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Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
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Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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