my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
